Relationships face rough patches. Partners butt heads and disagree all the time. Most of these events are tolerable but differing views concerning more serious topics often leave people at a crossroads. They wonder if they should compromise (relationships do require it sometimes) or walk away. Below are the questions you need to ask yourself to make that decision.
How do you feel after compromising?
When deciding to compromise or walk away, you have to reflect on times in the relationship when you did compromise. Did you feel like you made a sacrifice that benefited the relationship? If so, the relationship is worth the effort. On the other hand, if you felt forced to compromise and continue to feel that way, it may be time to end things. Feeling pressure to compromise by a partner is a sign of an unhealthy dynamic. Remember that we can also force ourselves to give in when we feel we shouldn’t. Many do this when trying to preserve something that is not working. It makes little sense but sometimes humans feel the need to hold on to romances that aren’t right because we think we can save or improve them in some way. No one can force relationships, compatibility, and love. Ill feelings should not accompany compromise. Ignoring things that bother you shouldn’t be exhausting. Those things shouldn’t gnaw at you. If they do, the person you’re with is not right for you.
Do you fear being alone?
As stated above, we sometimes want to save relationships that do not work. The cause of this is often a fear of being alone, a fear of another failed relationship or, depending on where you are in your life, the fear of not starting the family you want. These fears can lead us to convince ourselves that the wrong person is the right person because otherwise, it is a lost opportunity that moves us a few steps back. Love doesn’t work that way. If you are happy and fulfilled, awesome! You may be with the one. However, if plagued by uneasiness, doubt, and that lingering feeling that you are settling, examine your current situation. With some thought, you can determine where your heart is at and decide if you’re going in the right direction. Those who do not feel like they are need to walk away, take time to learn about themselves, what type of person WILL make them happy and wait for the RIGHT relationship.
Are your expectations realistic?
Thinking that you can enter a relationship with someone and mold them into the partner you have always wanted is an excellent representation of unrealistic expectations. Romance and commitment do change people but not in the ways some may hope. People often become more responsible, reliable, happy, and more confident but those core habits, behaviors and/or viewpoints that act as sources of discontent will not change. This leads to the cycle of blaming the other person for the discontent in an attempt to gain some sense of relief which usually leads to conflict. Following that conflict, the issue is temporarily resolved, you try to change the other person and the cycle repeats all over again. This happens in almost all relationships and to overcome this problem you must examine yourself. Why are you bothered? Is there something you can do to change your response? Does this irritant come down to a non-negotiable that you simply cannot tolerate in a mate? If not, perhaps you need to work on yourself to discover the root of the issue.
Are you leading with your brain or your heart?
Messages get crossed when the brain and heart work simultaneously to decide about a romance. Obviously, relationships are matters of the heart so listen to yours. The brain has very little if anything to do with such matters. The way to tap into your heart and use it to make decisions is stopping and listening to it. Focus on what your heart, soul, and body are feeling. Sometimes sitting quietly or meditating is all you need to get familiar with those aspects of yourself. After establishing that connection, answer the following:
How does your partner make you feel?
How do you feel about your partner?
How would you feel if that person wasn’t in your life?
Whatever your conclusion is, learning to stop and listen to what your heart is telling you will make it easy to indicate whether your current relationship is a good fit.
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